


Fold

by Blubunn



Series: Road to the Endverse [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angry Castiel/Dean Winchester, Angst, Endverse Character Deaths, Episode: s05e04 The End, Hurt Castiel, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mild Blood, Unresolved Angst, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 05:36:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11891118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blubunn/pseuds/Blubunn
Summary: Set in the year 2014, Castiel finds himself under the scrutiny of a familiar pair of eyes, much to Dean’s displeasure.Events from The End, imagined and canon, told from Castiel's personal perspective.Master Artpost





	Fold

**Author's Note:**

> Fold: A player decides to leave the game.

“So, in this way, we're each a fragment of total perception—just, uh, one compartment in that...dragonfly eye of group mind.” Castiel continued to speak to the four women surrounding him as he spouted off whatever came through the fog that made up his mind these days. He didn’t listen to himself anymore. He really never did. He found that when it was clear Castiel was no longer under Dean’s protection, people ventured to approach him. A lot of people were dying to meet the angel, even if he had fallen. They wanted to know about heaven, what awaited them after death, anything they thought Castiel could tell them that might help them through their daily lives in the apocalypse. He told them what he could through his self induced haze, but it all became nonsense very quickly. However, when faced with the end of the world and a fallen angel high on whatever he could get his hands on starts talking, people clung to what they could.

The clicking of the beads from the entrance to his cabin brought him back. “...um...it’s surprisingly physical,” he heard himself saying. That was a common line in his “sermons,” but the women were still looking him, enraptured. He supposed he must have been saying something interesting. He heard shuffling at his door and remembered someone came in. He looked up and saw Dean walk in. For a moment, his spirits fell as a soft, “Oh…” slipped from his lips. Dean was always sobering for Castiel, no matter how high he got himself. He managed to keep it together for the women, putting his best smile on as he turned back to them and excused himself, urging them to go to the showers before they returned to him. He even gave Dean a little wink, to ease the women’s concerns that there was going to be another fight.

Dean rarely spoke to Castiel these days, unless he had a job that needed his best soldiers. Castiel was a “junkie” as Dean once called him, but he proved that he was still able to fight as well as he ever did. When they did speak, it often turned ugly. Castiel would brush him off with the help of whatever he had in his system, and his easy smile would put Dean in a rage. He wondered if he wanted Castiel to feel sorry for what happened between them. There was no way to make him understand his steady regimen of alcohol, drugs, and sex was his way of handling just how sorry he was. Without them, Castiel imagined he would take the coward’s way out, but Dean needed him, so Castiel did everything he could to make himself available.

“What? Are you a hippie?” Dean asked from behind Castiel after the last woman left.

Castiel rolled his eyes at that. Dean didn’t take too kindly to Castiel’s new way of life after his recovery, but he thought that he was over it by now. When he was still so angry at Castiel, he would constantly try to figure out his game, but after the anger eventually faded into apathy, he stopped picking at Castiel’s choices. “I thought you’d gotten over trying to label me,” he said as he managed to smooth out his expression and turned to Dean.

What Castiel saw when he turned around shocked his senses. Dean was brighter, softer, and when he looked at Castiel, he saw himself reflected in those eyes. There was no malice, no disdain, no apathy. Dean saw Castiel when he looked at him. “Woah…” he breathed. “Strange…” This wasn’t Camp Chitaqua’s Dean. This was his Dean. ‘ _ From how long ago?’ _ he wondered.

“2009,” his Dean answered when Castiel asked what year he came from. Castiel let out a soft gasp. He was from before. Before Castiel lied to him. Before Castiel ruined everything.

“Who did this to you?” Castiel asked, trying to remember through his haze which angel was pestering Dean in 2009. “Is it Zachariah?” When Past Dean spoke in the affirmative, Castiel let out another breath, “Interesting…”

“Oh yeah, it’s friggin’ fascinating,” Past Dean grumbled. He had no idea how fascinating it was for Castiel. He was trapped with his fearless leader, but now Past Dean was standing right in front of him. All the hatred and animosity was just nonexistent. All the potential for the two of them still there, just waiting for one of them to make that first move. “Now,” Past Dean clapped his hands and brought Castiel back to him, “why don’t you strap on your angel wings and…” Castiel couldn’t help but turn away and laugh bitterly. Even without meaning to, Past Dean still knew how to hurt him. He was still an angel in 2009. Castiel had forgotten that. The angels left in 2010. How Castiel managed to hide it from him for as long as he did still surprised him.

As the memories began to flood back, Castiel felt tears pound against his eyes. He sniffed wetly in his laugh and held fast to the floodgate. Instead of letting himself feel the sadness Past Dean triggered inside him, he reached for the haze he was pulled from. He didn’t trust himself not to cry without the feel of that fuzzy cloud in his mind wrapped around him. “I wish I could just…” Castiel faded for a moment as he tried to remain coherent in his blanket of mental fog, “uh...strap on my wings, but...uh...I’m sorry. No dice.” The pleasant feel of the blanket made him laugh again.

Castiel looked at Past Dean when he affirmed that he was high, insinuating that he kept that way quite often. He felt like if he could see clearly, he wouldn’t like the look he got back. A mixture of surprise, disappointment, and pity seemed to pass over those green eyes Castiel had fallen in love with years ago. Somehow, he found that Now Dean’s apathy didn’t hurt as bad. “What happened to you?” Past Dean asked after a moment of taking in the broken angel in front of him.

Castiel shrugged, thinking the answer should be obvious to Past Dean. “Life.” Castiel watched Past Dean look at him, saw his eyes searching his own as if he could find where things went wrong inside them. An easy smile passed over Castiel’s lips, taking pleasure in just being seen again. He watched Past Dean’s lips part as if to say more, but the sound of jeeps approaching stole his attention away. As he departed, Castiel shook off the feeling of Past Dean’s gaze. He knew who was in the approaching vehicles. It was about time for Now Dean to come back from one of his missions. He glanced over at his glass decanter, filled with a green liquid now. He went over to quickly pour himself a swallow. “Not too much,” he chided himself. He just needed enough to handle the idea that the Dean from before everything was here, seeing him, and was disappointed in what he found. He tossed back the drink, brushing his sleeve over his lips before he went out to join Past Dean in front of his cabin.

Sure enough, there was Real Dean driving up with his team. “Dean…” Castiel murmured a warning when Past Dean moved to go in for a closer look. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but nothing good usually followed Real Dean’s return from missions, and he wasn’t sure Past Dean was ready to see that. He followed after him with a lazy sway in his stride, sighing as the determined Past Dean continued forward. He heard him call out to someone, and then a gunshot sounded after. Castiel shook his head. “He never listened…” he chuckled to himself, pushing the trees aside to join his former friend. He met Now Dean’s glower at the sight of the two of them, licking his lips as he looked off to the side. As he tried to explain to the others about him, Castiel understood that he already met him. He watched on, unable to offer any comfort to Past Dean when he glanced at him for some sort of reaction to Now Dean shooting a member of his team outright the way he had.

Then Now Dean was on his past self, grabbing his arm and dragging him toward the cabins. He glared at Castiel, barking at him, “Get suited up, and grab Risa. I wanna see you guys in the meeting room in two hours.” Then they were gone, Castiel’s cloudy eyes following them until they disappeared.

“Must’ve been a good trip,” Castiel slurred to himself, rocking on the heels of his sandals as he looked down at them, a pair Now Dean brought back for him when he was being kept at the camp. He knew it bothered Now Dean to see him continue to dress the way Now Dean used to dress him before he allowed Castiel to join him outside the camp. Whether he did it to get a rise out of him or to never let him forget what he once was to him, Castiel couldn’t really understand anymore. Either way, he was given an order, so he set out to follow it.

=============

Castiel was a bit surprised when he came into the meeting room, seeing Past Dean there too. It was clear Past Dean wasn’t meant to be seen, and must’ve escaped wherever Now Dean kept him. He expected Now Dean to just tie him back up until Zachariah flew him back to his own timeline. “He was so good at keeping prisoners…” Castiel chuckled quietly to himself as he rounded the meeting table to sit across from Now Dean. He got himself comfortable with his little green fairy in a bottle, throwing his legs up onto the table. 

Castiel idly listened as Risa seemed to snip at Now Dean for information. Now Dean seemed to notice as well. When Past Dean revealed that she was upset because Now Dean had himself a little tryst with Jane, the camp spy, Castiel felt his lips twitch into a smirk, especially after the mentioned “connection” that Now Dean seemed to lead Risa to think they had. He knew better than anyone that Now Dean didn’t “connect” with anyone since he severed their own “connection.” That part of him was torn apart, and before he could recognize himself as the monster responsible for that, he swallowed the cup he filled in his hand. He continued to feed the fire that warmed in his mind to allow Castiel to just enjoy the discomfort in the room without recognizing his own participation in it.

When Risa demanded to know how Now Dean was so sure about the validity in his information, Castiel heard his own voice provide the answer, “Our fearless leader, I’m afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of ‘getting to the truth.’” He felt vaguely surprised in his haze that Risa didn’t know. Chuck was the one who told him, so he thought everyone in the camp knew. They just didn’t talk about it. 

Castiel gave Now Dean a side eye, noting his scowl toward his input. Castiel rarely let himself make any jabs of his own at Now Dean or his methods. Brush him off, yes. Side step him, yes, but a direct shot in his face was not something Castiel practiced, but whether it was the liquid courage in his hand, Risa’s own contagious sarcasm, or Past Dean sitting so close to him, he found himself not caring if he incited Now Dean’s wrath. To his surprise, he seemed to be holding himself back.

“Torture?” Castiel heard Past Dean clarify. “Oh, so we’re...we’re torturing again? No, that’s...that’s good. Classy.” He couldn’t keep himself from chuckling as Past Dean gave Now Dean his own comeuppance about his behavior. When he turned back to Now Dean, he saw that look in his eye that told him he was going too far, but he couldn’t stop. “What?” he asked, feeling his smile getting broader. “I like past you,” he added with an insolent sway of his head. 

Castiel watched Now Dean’s eyes shift to the side as he let out a breath, and listened while he went back to the topic at hand. He found this to be interesting. He wasn’t yelling at him or denouncing him. He wondered if he was holding back because of Past Dean. It made him grow braver, more challenging. When Now Dean showed them where Lucifer was going to be, he found another opportunity to goad him. “Oh good,” Castiel sneered at the map, leaning over to look at where Now Dean placed his mark. “It’s right in the middle of a hot zone.”

“Crawling with Croats, yeah,” Now Dean snapped, looking up at him with raised brows as if he was surprised with how far Castiel was taking this. “Are you saying my plan is reckless?”

Castiel was not deterred. “Are you saying we...uh…” he shrugged looking for the most ridiculous point of entrance he could think of in his foggy mind, “walk in, straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croats, and we shoot the devil?”

“Yes,” Now Dean bit at him, his tone brusque and clearly having enough of Castiel’s newly found lip.

Again, Castiel pressed on, just as quick with his own derisive inflection, “Okay, if you don’t like...uh…’reckless,’ I could use, ‘insouciant,’ maybe.”

There was just a shy second of a pause as Now Dean squared his eyes on Castiel, having enough of him. “Are you coming?”

Castiel faltered under those eyes, his own falling to the table, feeling small again. He took a deep breath to recenter himself and confirmed, “Of course.” He glanced at Past Dean, looking at him again when he realized that Now Dean didn’t bring him to keep an eye on him. He fully intended to bring him along. Despite the animosity between Now Dean and himself, he didn’t want anything to happen to Past Dean. “But why is  _ he _ ? I mean, he’s you five years ago. If something happens to him, you’re gone, right?”

“He’s coming!” Now Dean barked.

“Okay!” Castiel sighed, wishing Now Dean wasn’t being so careless with this plan or himself. He leaned back, trying to ignore the concern pulling at the clouds that were helping him handle this idea. “Well...uh...I’ll get the grunts moving.”

“We’re loaded and on the road by midnight,” Now Dean called after him.

“All righty,” Castiel called back, heading out the door to notify Now Dean’s preferred soldiers for the mission.

=============

When Castiel had everyone informed of Now Dean’s plans, he helped them start loading the jeeps. He was a few hours in when he spotted Past Dean by himself. He glanced around for Now Dean, not seeing him anywhere in sight. “Hey...uh...I’m gonna go grab some stuff from...from my cabin,” he told the man he was helping. “You got this?” He left when the man confirmed, making his way toward Past Dean.

Before Castiel could get to him, he felt a powerful grip on his arm. Suddenly, he was being dragged toward his own cabin by Now Dean. “What are you doing?” he asked him, stumbling along to match his stride. His leader was gravely quiet while he yanked him along, and Castiel could only follow until he was shoved past his beaded entryway.

“What the hell was that?” Now Dean flared at him.

“What?” Castiel asked innocently, trying to recall what he did to make Now Dean actually seek him out. 

“That crap in the meeting room!” Dean snarled at him. Castiel inhaled and nodded, remembering now. “This whole time, I let you prance around this goddamn camp like you’re still some kinda queen of the land, and then you pull that attitude? With me?”

“Your plan is really a bad one,” Castiel reminded him with a careless shrug, turning away from him toward the decanter. “Taking your past self makes the idea even more foolish.” When he picked it up, he felt a pull that made him drop it, the sound of glass shattering filling the cabin walls. Dean turned Castiel to face him, but he could only look at the broken decanter, his mind trying to register what happened to it.

“You think just because he’s here that you can talk to me like this?” Dean pressed him, gripping his arms painfully. Castiel winced, finally looking up at him. Dean’s eyes were dark, furious. “You like him better? Why? Because you haven’t lied to him yet? Because you haven’t taken everything you could from him for your own selfish, perverse needs?”

“Perverse?” Castiel scoffed at him, anger at his broken decanter suddenly energizing him. That decanter had gotten him through the past year, and now it was suddenly gone. No ceremony, no warning. Just gone. Castiel’s mind was too clouded to feel the fear Dean was trying to press into him. There was only his own reactive anger. “I stayed with you because I wanted to help you save this stupid planet. You’re the one who put your hands on me first!” He shoved at him, but Dean only gripped him tighter.

“Save the planet? By hiding everything I needed to know?”

“You weren’t ready for the information! You would’ve done what you’re doing now! This is a suicide mission!”

Dean pushed Castiel against the wall, slamming his back into it with a force that pressed a grunt out from him. “Only for you, Cas,” Dean hissed at him. “I don’t know how you managed to stay alive for so long, but this is it. This is your reward for being the little cockroach you’ve been to me since I put you on the supply runs. You and me. We’re going to the prize fight, and you’re not coming back.”

Castiel’s eyes squared on Dean’s, unable to convince himself that he didn’t mean it. He could feel himself wavering. “Y-you’re what? Just going to kill me out there? You really think I’ll go with you if you tell me that?”

“Yeah, I do,” Dean confirmed coldly. “Ask me how I know.”

“How do you know?”

“Because even if you think I don’t, I see you, Castiel. I see you watching me. I see you waiting for me to come back in here and pretend everything you did is forgiven. You keep all these toys,” he gestured to the shattered decanter, “that  _ I _ gave you. You wear these clothes,” he pulled the wide collar of his shirt open over his shoulders, the strain making it start to tear down the middle when it exposed him, trapping his arms, “to remind me that you still belong to me.”

“That’s not true,” Castiel protested weakly, shifting away from him in an attempt to get out from his shirt, but Dean only grabbed his shoulders and slammed him back against the wall.

“I saw how you looked at him, Cas,” Dean growled through gritted teeth. Dean’s hand was on him, moving over his bared chest. “You think you can start again with him? You think I’m going to let you try?” His fingers found Castiel’s nipple and he twisted out a whining cry from him. The sound made Dean’s mouth twist in a sinister smile. “I figured it out. It took me a year, but I see it now. Slutting around this camp? All that ‘free love,’ crap you’ve been spouting. You wanted my attention, Cas? Now you have it.”

“Dean--” Suddenly, Castiel was on his knees, and Dean was unbuckling his belt. When he pulled himself free, Castiel turned away. “This isn’t what I wanted.”

“You begged for it enough back then,” Dean reminded him, pulling his face forward again. “I’m giving it to you now. Take it.” Castiel tried to pull his face away, shifting to get his shirt off from around his arms. Dean slammed his head back into the wall, watching his eyes glaze over for a minute from the shock to his brain. “Take it!” he snarled again when he caught his chin.

A long silence passed between them before Castiel looked up at him through the shine that coated his eyes. “Dean, don’t do this…”

“What else you got, Cas?” Dean said after a sigh, his voice suddenly gentle. “Your powers are gone. Your family left. God abandoned you. That version of me? He's gonna be zapped back to his time when this is over. I’m all that you have left. So take what I’m giving you, and be happy that you have anything at all.”

Castiel felt the heat of his tears on his face before he even realized they were falling, his resolve weakened. As he leaned forward he recalled his earlier thought.

Dean always knew how to hurt him.

=============

Dean pushed himself off the floor and wiped himself off with Castiel’s torn shirt before he tucked himself back into his jeans and buckled up his belt. He looked down at Castiel as he laid on the floor, unmoving and partially curled into himself. He took a moment to take in what he’d done to him. Castiel’s back was to him, his pale, golden skin covered in bruises where Dean bit and sucked on him. His jeans were shoved down just below the curves of his gluteal muscles, where translucent, milky fluid oozed from between the crevice there.

Dean dropped Castiel’s torn shirt beside his still body as he turned away from the sight of him. “We’re leaving in an hour,” he said, ignoring the tightness in his stomach when he looked at Castiel laid out like this. He picked up one of Castiel’s bottles of mystery liquor from his table and took a long drink. He grimaced at the taste, but took another swig before he set it back on the table.

“Cas,” Dean said after a minute, looking over at him while he laid so still on the floor. “You’re coming?”

After another minute passed between them, Castiel’s soft, low voice pierced the silence, “Yes, Dean.” Then the sound of the beads signaled Dean’s exit, and Castiel trembled as quiet sobs overtook him.

=============

“I’m gonna go with Cas,” Past Dean said when Now Dean was passing out the keys to the drivers.

Now Dean looked at Past Dean for a minute before turning his eyes onto Castiel, who kept his own on the keys Now Dean was holding over his waiting hand. It was a brief silence, but it felt like a century between Now Dean and Castiel. “Whatever you want,” Castiel heard Now Dean say before he dropped the keys in his hand. Castiel turned and made his way to his vehicle, hearing Chuck catch up to Past Dean when he followed after him.

Once the two were settled in his vehicle, Castiel followed the line toward their final destination. He drove in silence until they were on the main road before he reached for the pill bottle he brought with him, shaking out a few for himself.

“Let me see those,” Past Dean demanded, holding his hand out expectantly.

“You want some?” Castiel asked, keeping his voice light as he passed them over. He cleared his throat after he managed to swallow the ones he took, shifting in his seat and trying to ignore the ache and the wetness Now Dean left inside him.

“Amphetamines?”

Castiel nodded, adding as though he were some sort of teacher, “It’s the perfect antidote to that absinthe.” He sniffed as he let the fog of those pills pinch at his stomach and make its way to his head, ready to forget the ache at his seat.

“Don’t get me wrong, Cas. I...uh...I’m happy the stick is out of your ass,” Castiel rolled his head to the side, finding some mild amusement in that, but he let him continue, “but what’s going on? W-With the drugs, and the orgies, and the love-guru crap?”

Castiel rolled his head back just a bit as a laugh reached him, feeling the familiar buzz in his skin. He did spend a lot of time wondering what he would tell him when he first told him to “strap on his angel wings.” Now, after everything, Castiel couldn’t see anything to tell him other than the truth. Maybe cutting himself off from lying now will help him from ruining everything he was able to have with Dean later. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Dean, I’m not an angel anymore,” Castiel replied when he was able to rein in his laughter. He explained how the angels left, and how his powers went with them. What was left besides women and decadence? And Dean, but he left that part out.

“But then...that’s just how I roll.”

=============

Castiel readied himself when Past Dean asked to talk to Now Dean after he gave them all their orders. He readied his gun and his heart. Castiel was one of Dean’s cleverest soldiers. He had to be in order to convince him to let him leave the camp. Even strung out on drugs and alcohol, he could easily see that this was a trap. They were waiting for them. It pained him that Dean was going to send the others in too, but he had his own mortality staring him in the face. He really couldn’t bring himself to be concerned over them. A thud brought his attention to the two Deans. “What the hell,” Castiel hissed, rushing over to Past Dean who lay unconscious on the ground. “What did you do that for?”

“Just do your job, Cas,” Now Dean growled, pulling him up by his arm. “Get them inside, and do what I need you to do.”

Castiel glared up at Now Dean, feeling his hand tighten around his arm. “This isn’t right…” he snarled at him. “They’ve been nothing but loyal to you. I thought you were just going to punish me.”

“I punished you already,” Now Dean reminded him. “Now, you’re going to make things right with me. I need you to lead them in there. Make sure no one interrupts me.”

Castiel scowled, but he gave in despite his reluctance, “Fine, but after this, we’re square.”

A twitch pushed Now Dean’s mouth into a whisper of a smirk. “Yeah, Cas,” he said as his grip loosened. “Yeah, after this, we’re square.” Castiel glanced down at Past Dean for a moment before he let out a breath he almost didn’t realize he was holding, and turned to go back to the others. Now Dean’s grip tightened once more, and Castiel looked up at him. For a moment, for just this one moment, while Now Dean sent Castiel off to die, he allowed Castiel to see that love he felt for him a year ago. He allowed it to the surface to soften his features in a way Castiel never thought he would see again. “Will you kiss me, Cas?”

Castiel couldn’t help the scoff that came out of him. “You’re asking for my permission,  _ now _ ?” He watched the love in Dean’s eyes flicker, but it didn’t fade. 

“Yeah, I am.”

The two men stared at each other, one expecting while the other contemplated. Castiel let himself have this final moment, and he shed the flimsy shell he tried to use as protection against Dean. They let themselves look at each other the way they did a year ago, and Castiel leaned in, pressing his lips to Dean’s. Dean reached up to cradle his face, their lips parting to only just brush their tongues over each other’s. Castiel leaned in further and Dean allowed his tongue to slide inside. Castiel pressed his hand on Dean’s chest as their estranged tongues became reaquainted. As their kiss deepened, that faint memory of the former passion that would swallow them up faded to nothing. Their lips moved over the other’s in a practiced way that only their muscles seemed to remember where the owners did not. The kiss had become cold and mechanical. Dean gave his bottom lip a soft suck when Castiel finally eased back from him. “I’ll see you on the other side,” Dean whispered against his lips.

Castiel smiled up at him, reaching up to slide his fingers through his hair. Then he let the haze fall over him again. The final piece of the illusion was gone and they stood together, killing the lovers they once tried to be and met each other as the monsters they became. “Where I think you’re going,” Castiel whispered malevolently, “I sincerely hope you don’t.” He shook off Dean’s hand and turned away from him to lead their friends to their deaths. He was determined that he wouldn’t look back.

=============

As the last demon fell, so did Castiel. Once again, as luck would have it, he was the last man standing. He lifted his hand from his stomach, and when he saw the blood on it, he found he wasn’t sure if it was blood from the wound on his stomach, or from the one on his chest, or his shoulder, or if it was from one of the demons or Croats. He let his hand drop, shutting his eyes tight as the pain engulfed him. He felt everything getting colder and in that moment, he recalled Anna’s words.

_ “You will die alone, unloved, uncared for, by Dean's own will.” _

That’s what she told him. Castiel’s path really was clear to everyone, but him. While he laid there, as alone, as unloved, and as uncared for as Anna predicted he would, he heard himself whisper into the quiet, “I don’t want to be alone…” His mind reached out. He prayed. For the first time in years, he prayed.

“Oh, geez!” Gabriel yelped when he approached Castiel. “Have you seen yourself? I don’t think even I tore Dean up this much. Hold on, bro.” 

Castiel grunted for him to stop, forcing Gabriel’s hands to freeze over him. “Please, Gabriel…don’t...”

“Cas,” Gabriel forced a chuckle, worry beginning to stain his voice, “if I don’t heal this, you’re gonna die.”

“We’re not here to heal him, Gabriel,” Anna said as she approached her brothers. She sat in the rubble beside Castiel’s body, smiling down at him when he tried to smile at her. “We’re here so he doesn’t die alone.” She held Castiel’s hand, pressing her lips to his knuckles.

“But that’s stupid, Cas,” Gabriel forced another laugh. “Cas, c’mon, let us heal you.” Castiel shook his head, pleading to his brother with his eyes as his free hand shifted toward him. Gabriel took it, his brows creasing with displeasure at this request. “Cas, you called us down here just to watch you die? That’s...that’s…”

“Human,” Anna finished for him, understanding in her voice as she caressed her dying brother’s hand. “I’m sorry, Castiel. When you left, I prayed for you. I wanted so badly to be wrong about Dean.” Castiel smiled at her, shaking his head as he tightened his hand around hers as best he could. Gabriel and Anna sat quietly with him, letting him slip away peacefully with their divine love wrapped around him. It was colder than Dean’s love, but it was still better than nothing.

=============

“You were so great out there,” Dean murmured as he sat on the edge of the bed beside Castiel where he was laid out on it. He ran his fingers through Castiel’s wet hair.

Castiel looked up at Dean, cupping his face. “Dean?” he murmured, tilting his head at him. Dean turned his lips into Castiel’s hand, slow so he could feel his fingers dust along his face. He brushed his mouth along the lines of his palm, the tip of his tongue just barely peeking out to trace them. Castiel’s eyes fluttered when he moved his lips to kiss his wrist. Castiel loved when his lips were soft and light like this. He recalled when Dean kissed along his arm like this before. “Before…” Castiel murmured aloud, trying to recall the last time Dean kissed his arm like this. 

His eyes snapped open and he watched Dean nip at the sensitive skin inside his elbow. He pulled his arm away from Dean and rolled out of his arms, off the bed. He watched Dean continue kissing along where Castiel’s body should be, his arms tightening around where he was when this happened before. “Am I in Heaven?” he breathed. He turned through the cabin, rushing to a window to look outside. It was bright and colorful out there, almost like, “that man’s eternal Tuesday afternoon…” Castiel breathed. He spent so much time in that man’s heaven, it translated over as a memory for his own heaven.

Castiel’s hand rested over his chest as he felt the need to find out if Dean made it here too. Then he looked back at the Dean that was working at slowly feeding Castiel’s fire. His eyes darkened at the sight of him. At that moment, Castiel decided he was finished chasing after Dean. He decided that if Dean made it to Heaven, he would know where to find him if he wanted to see him. Castiel sat on the bed, watching Dean as he considered if Dean didn’t make it to Heaven. He shut his eyes, and everything was quiet for a moment. He laid on the bed, moving to his side as he felt Dean’s body fill the space beneath him. He was all too familiar with how heavens worked.

As Dean lifted his face, Castiel considered what he would do if Dean didn’t make it to Heaven.

“I love you, Castiel…” Dean whispered.

Castiel opened his eyes. They were clouded as though he was high again. “I love you too, Dean…” he whispered. When Castiel blinked those cloudy eyes, he was on his back again.

“You were so great out there,” Dean murmured as he sat on the edge of the bed beside Castiel where he was laid out on it. He ran his fingers through Castiel’s wet hair. Castiel opened his dark eyes and smiled up at Dean through his haze.

“So were you…”


End file.
